Friendly Tips if you find yourself unemployed.
Tip. Invest in a dishwasher as soon as you get your redundancy.
Tip. Get all the Family to iron their own clothes.
Tip. If you see your old lady coming down the street after she's finished work, send kid's out to meet her with flower's from the garden, it will take her attention away from lawn that needs cutting.
Tip. Use two buckets when you clean floors and surfaces. one bucket should contain the cleaning fluid, the other should contain clean water for rinsing.
Tip. If your lass sees dirty cups in the sink, tell her water's been off all day.
Tip. If the kids say they have seen Fairies at the bottom of the garden they probably have. If uncle John says he has seen Fairies at the bottom of the garden, send for the men in white coats.
Tip. If the phone rings turn vacuum cleaner on before answering it to give impression you are cleaning up.
Tip. If England are playing football and you want to go watch say you are going to a funeral in London.
Tip. Keep the dog well fed and healthy, there is less chance of it biting the kids or the postman.
Tip. Always keep well in with the Neighbour's, you never know when you will need them.
Tip. Put clothes in the dryer half an hour before the old lady comes home, she'll think you have been busy.
Tip. Spray air freshener or polish around the house, especially to hide smoke and sweat smells. [from your mates after card schools].
Tip. Hide your money under the vacuum cleaner [ Most women are allergic to vacuum cleaner's].
Tip. Hide your other money under the soap [kids are allergic to soap].
Tip. If anyone offers you a beer, always say no first, then quickly say "oh go on then" [they will not realize you are an Alcoholic].
Tip. If the Government advise you to vote for or against a particular topic, always do the opposite because you can guarantee they have not got your best interests in mind.
Tip. always get up early in the morning to make breakfast and make sure your lass is not late for work.
Tip. If the kids are bored give them a shovel to dig the garden over.
Tip. Do not kill spiders, they really are the gardeners best friend along with the bees and the birds.
Tip. Invest in a Caller Display unit so you can recognize who is phoning up before you pick phone up.
Tip. Mark all your valuables with an ultraviolet pen or stamp them with hammer and letter punches.
Tip. Save stale bread for the duck's in the park the kids love to feed the duck's.
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